If you are a struggling addict or alcoholic then you have come to the right place. What follows are specific action steps that you can take in order to get started on a new life in recovery. Depending on where you are at in the recovery process, different parts of this article might apply to you.
It is therefore important for you to honestly assess where you are at in the recovery process. If you can not get honest with your self-assessment then it will be very difficult to make progress. So please keep an open mind and this information will be much more helpful to you.
Denial
It is possible to be in denial and be aware of it. This is counter-intuitive but it’s absolutely true. For example, if you realize that you have a drug problem and need to do something about it, but fear is still holding you back from taking action, then that is a form of denial.
The reason for this is because we know that we are miserable and we know that there are places that can offer us help, but we are afraid to take action. We cling to the belief that our path of self medicating is safer and more comfortable than that of getting clean and sober. We deny ourselves the truth.
Being in denial is not simply avoiding an admission of our condition, because we can usually still admit that we are an addict. Being in denial is avoiding an acceptance of our condition on a deep level. It is acceptance that we need and not an admission.
Anyone can admit to being an addict. So what? If you can accept your addiction on a very deep level, then you can start making changes. Until you can gain this acceptance, you will remain in denial.
Action steps:
1) Increase awareness – if you are in denial and you know it (you will) and you want to do something about it, then start by forcing yourself to honestly assess how well your addictive behaviors are serving you. This is important so read that sentence again. Say you are addicted to alcohol and you drink every day. If this is the case then part of the solution is to pay very close attention to how well the alcohol is doing it’s job. If you are a true alcoholic then you will notice over time that the alcohol stops working. Instead of getting you drunk and happy you will be miserable most of the time and then you will go straight into a blackout. The “fun” part will be squeezed out entirely. The same will occur with any drug or substance in the long run.
So the key is to pay attention to the fact that the drugs and the booze lose their effectiveness. Your denial hinges on the fact that the drugs are “your solution.” Pay attention to the fact that they are not working and you will break through this aspect of denial.
2) Listen to the crowd - if one person tells you that you’re messed up, they might very well be wrong. But if several people tell you you’re messed up, then they are probably on to something. Denial is stubbornly thinking that you are the only person in the world who can see that you’re not screwed up when everyone else is telling you that you are. Being paranoid that everyone is against you is a losing strategy. So pay attention to the network of people in your life. If multiple sources tell you something, it is highly likely to be true.
3) Get over your uniqueness – part of denial is thinking that we must be truly unique in our circumstances. For example, we believe that no one in history has ever loved drugs or alcohol as much as we do, or surely they would not be able to get sober. We believe we are unique in our passion for drugs and alcohol. Realize that you are not unique and that other addicts and alcoholics have loved drugs just as much as you do and still managed to find a way to get clean.
Active addiction
Perhaps you are still using drugs and alcohol but you have basically worked through your denial and are at a point of surrender. This means that you are willing to ask for some help and are ready to learn a new way to live. You are sick and tired of the cycle of addiction and you’re ready to move on.
It is pretty easy to figure out if you are at this point, because you will not place conditions on how you receive help. In other words, you will be willing to take nearly any suggestion for how to go about recovery. This is what defines surrender – that you are willing to go to any length in order to get clean. If you are still resisting suggestions or help in any way then you have not truly surrendered and you will probably not stay clean at this point.
How do you get to this point? Back up to the section on denial if you’re not there yet. Otherwise, you are ready to take action. Now if you have a loving family or a big support system in place then chances are good that you just have to say the word and they will help you get to treatment some where. But if you’re not in this ideal situation then you will be responsible for finding the help yourself. The good news is that help is readily available in most places if you just ask for it.
Action steps:
1) Ask for help – use whatever resources are available to you and simply ask for help. Counselors, clergy, employers, and relatives all have the potential to help you find the resources you need to seek recovery.
2) Call local treatment centers – and talk to them. Explore your options. No money? No insurance? These are typical circumstances, and most states have programs to fund people in this situation. If you don’t get on the phone and start the process of talking to a treatment center then you’ll never get into one. Sometimes you can find a christian drug rehab or a similar treatment center that has different funding options. The key is to ask for help.
3) Take action. You don’t get clean and sober by sitting on the couch. Go to a meeting, call a treatment center, ask your family for help, and so on. The key is to take action after you make the decision for change. This is known as following through. If you don’t follow through you can’t expect to recover.
Chronic relapser
The chronic relapser is someone who is caught up in a cycle of getting clean and then blowing it. They might get a few months clean here, a few months clean there, but they are unable to string together any meaningful sobriety over the long term. They are addicted to relapse and the chaos that comes with it.
There is a strong element of self-sabotage in the life of the chronic relapser. They have a tendency to sabotage themselves when everything starts to go good in their life. This is largely a self esteem problem based on what they think they “deserve.” The other side of the coin is that the chronic relasper is likely bored when their life starts running smoothly, and their personality demands more stimulation and distraction (another reason they are driven to relapse).
Action steps:
1) Build self esteem – If you are a chronic relapser then you need to find a way to value yourself and your life more highly. This is an integral part of anyone’s recovery because if you do not place a high value on your self then there is no insurance against relapse. Therefore, building healthy self esteem should become priority number one for the chronic relapser. Building self esteem will be different for different people, but one sure way is to help other addicts and alcoholics. Service work, volunteering, sponsoring, or simply offering to help others are all valuable tools for increasing self-worth.
2) Focus on holistic growth – if you have tried traditional recovery programs and they continuously fail you, then why not try a holistic approach to growth instead? Instead of limiting yourself to a spiritual solution, approach addiction as a complex disease and push yourself to grow in new areas of your life. This might mean physical exercise, seeking emotional balance, or even going back to school. The point is to try and grow in new areas of your life because your old approach to recovery has not worked.
3) Try something different – chronic relapse should indicate a flawed approach. Most addicts blame themselves, but if you continuously fail to stay sober by going back to the same recovery program, why not try something different? There are other programs out there for staying clean and sober, many of which do not rely on group therapy as a solution. Try a fresh approach and you might get different results.
Decided the 12 step program is not for you
There are a lot of benefits to the 12 step program, the biggest of which is that it is the “default solution” for recovery and thus there is widespread support. But clearly it is not for everyone, and the published success rates by AA world services are not encouraging.
If you have decided that the 12 step program is not for you then you need to actively create a new solution for recovery in your life. This is not as impossible as it sounds but it does take some work on your part. Here is what I would recommend:
Action steps:
1) Find alternative ways to network – with recovering addicts an alcoholics. Networking is especially important in early recovery and you need to find a way to connect with others for support. As you progress in recovery the networking element becomes less important over time as the focus shifts to your own personal growth and development.
2) Use vision and goals – to actively create a new life for yourself. Find your purpose in life and actively pursue it with enthusiasm.
3) Push yourself to grow. Holstic growth is the key. That means you try to find growth opportunities in all areas of your life. Physical fitness. Mental training and education. Social networking and relationships. Emotional balance and stability. Push yourself to grow in all of these areas. This is important because our addiction affected us in all of these areas. The solution, therefore, is holistic.
If you need additional help please leave a comment or question below.
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