Part of the problem in how to help an alcoholic has to do with denial. Alcoholism is one of the only diseases that makes us believe that we do not have a disease. Therefore it can be difficult to convince someone that their drinking is out of control.

It is one thing to wonder about this if we are considering strangers, but it is another thing entirely when the person in question is a close friend or family member. If we believe that they have a serious addiction to alcohol, is there a way that we can help them?

Is it possible to confront them and help them break through their denial? Let’s take a look.

The price of confrontation

Confrontation has a price, and it is usually resentment. People don’t like it when we get in their face and suggest that they have serious problem with their drinking is probably not the best way how to help an alcoholic. In some cases–depending on how we handle it–the confrontation can seem to make things worse. The alcoholic in question might resent the “accusations” and draw further into isolation, only to fuel their anger with yet more drinking.

So confronting someone is a calculated risk. How can we know when the time is right to speak up?

One strategy on how to  help an alcoholic a is to wait for opportunities to do so. For example, if the person in question is just coming off a particularly nasty bender, or if they are just getting out of jail due to a drunk driving charge, they might be more receptive to the idea of change at these moments. Instead of trying to “kick them while they are down,” the idea is to offer help or encourage change when they are most receptive to it.

If everything is going fairly smoothly in their life (for the moment) then they are not likely to entertain the idea of massive change (quitting drinking or asking for help with it).

So it might help to use a bit of timing when you try to approach someone like this.

But what if they are out of control?

If they are reaching a breaking point in their addiction then you should probably just force the issue and confront them on it. This is especially true if you are genuinely concerned that they are an immediate threat to themselves or others.

If they are truly losing control then you need to do your part and try to help them or convince them to seek help, even in spite of the risk. They might take offense and resent you for it but if they are in real danger then you should probably confront them anyway.

What about a formal intervention?

A formal intervention is where you organize all of the person’s friends and family members and get them all together so that you can confront the alcoholic and try to convince them to go to treatment.

Now just like an informal confrontation, this is another calculated risk on your part. My opinion on the formal intervention is that it is generally not worth doing, even if you are desperate to see some change. This is because outcomes with formal interventions are usually pretty lousy and are almost entirely dependent on the alcoholic, not on the family. In other words, if someone is ready to make a change, then the formal intervention is not necessary.

And, if someone is not ready to change, then no intervention effort in the world is going to make any bit of difference. It really is dependent on the alcoholic, not on the efforts to change them or convince them of anything.

Can you really help someone with alcohol addiction? The answer is essentially: “not really.” Yes you can offer help, and you can be supportive and you can make suggestions, but ultimately you cannot help the alcoholic in any sort of direct way.

Now this does not mean that you should not try to help them, nor does it mean that there is never a time and a place for a formal intervention. Just understand that there is no magic wand you can wave, and that at best you are probably planting a seed in their mind for future change.

Now obviously if you organized a large intervention, the ideal situation is if you convinced them to go to treatment and they agreed and then lived happily ever after and never drank again. What I am saying is that this is very remote outcome, and any path to lasting sobriety is bound to be a bit more complicated and involved than this.

So you can still organize an intervention if you think the person would respond well to this sort of thing, but understand that it is not a magic bullet and you should not pin all of your hopes on it.

So what can you do to help?

There are still things that you can do to help, but they are probably not as direct as you would like. The problem is that the direct routes to helping are largely ineffective. What you can do is to change your own behavior so as not to enable the person or further their addiction. In other words, you can do your part and then leave the changing up to them. Here are some ways to change your own behavior so as to help the struggling alcoholic:

1) Do not enable them

2) Do not rescue them

3) Practice detachment

4) Set healthy limits

Good luck, and never give up hope. People do change!