Preventing relapse is a hot topic indeed for recovering addicts because the cost of relapse is so high.  To do so can be devastating and can lead to so much shame and guilt that some people will never make it back to recovery at all following a relapse.

So relapse prevention is vitally important but the current industry has failed to make any headway in this department.  Relapse rates remain as high as ever and there has been nothing ground breaking or new that can offer any additional hope to the chronic relapser.  So how is relapse prevention broken?  Let’s take a look.

Traditional relapse prevention is a failure

The biggest reason that relapse prevention is a failure is because it generally takes a reactionary approach.

The concepts that are traditionally taught in relapse prevention are reactionary instead of proactive.  For example, they will generally teach you to identify your triggers and urges and that make you want to use drugs and alcohol.  After identifying those, they will have you draw up some reactions you can employ in order to avoid using.  In other words, you’re attempting to decide in advance how you will react to a number of different trigger situations.  If you can do this then you can prevent relapse.

Another idea that traditionally is taught is to have people change their thinking.  If we can change our thinking patterns we can change our behavior, the theory goes.  So for example, if someone typically gets angry at work and starts thinking about taking a drink, we need to interrupt this thought pattern and have the person consciously replace those thoughts of drinking with something else.  Essentially this approach is about raising awareness and changing the negative into the positive.  We attempt to use our thoughts to control our emotions.

There are a number of problems with these approaches, and of course the bottom line is that they have a lousy track record of not working.  So what is the answer, and how can we avoid these common pitfalls in order to better prevent relapse?

Get proactive in your approach

The first step in tackling the relapse prevention problem is to stop thinking in terms of a reactive strategy.  There is no way you are going to think of every single trigger situation ahead of time and then formulate your plan for if that happens to come up.  This is a losing strategy because life is long and complex and it will eventually throw you a curve ball. Things will pop up that you never expected and you’ll find situations that might tempt you to use your drug of choice.  Trying to prepare for these moments in a specific way is useless so you need to formulate a strategy that can handle anything.

That strategy is a proactive one with a core component of self esteem.  In other words, the primary relapse prevention strategy in your life should be to create a new life in recovery such that your self esteem rises and you value your new self and your new life highly enough that you would never risk trading it all away for a relapse.  That is the primary relapse prevention strategy that actually works when these other tactical approaches fail.

Think about it: if there are any number of potential temptations that might arise in a person’s life, what is the best way to deal with them all?  The best way is by changing the person, not by manipulating each situation.

Action plan: Get proactive in your recovery by focusing on the core principles of self esteem and creating a positive new life for yourself.  Instead of merely eliminating drugs and alcohol, seek to create something positive in your life.  Examples of this include helping others in a 12 step fellowship, pursuing an exciting career, reaching out and helping others in a new way, pursuing higher education, or even pushing yourself to exercise regularly.  The idea is to make a habit of creating positive things in your life with real action.

Focus on holistic growth

One of the biggest keys to successful relapse prevention is in holistic growth.  You won’t find this idea in traditional relapse prevention plans but it is definitely a powerful strategy.  While most recovery programs focus on spiritual growth coupled with a handful of relapse prevention tactics, this idea is to approach recovery as an holistic endeavor.  In other words you must attempt to grow holistically in all areas of your life, including physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, and spiritually.

This is an important approach because our addiction was all-encompassing and actually attacked us in each of those areas.  Our addiction affected us socially, emotionally, physically, and so on.  So it makes sense to approach relapse prevention from a holistic standpoint.

How can we do this?  By seeking growth in each of those areas.

We can start on this by not neglecting the physical.  Our general health and well-being is so important in recovery and nearly everyone underestimates the positive benefits of exercise.  When we move our bodies on a daily basis and get a good workout this does wonders for our biochemistry and our emotional stability.  Feeling good physically helps us to feel good in other ways. So exercise, diet, and taking generally good care of ourselves can be an important strategy in forming a healthy baseline for our recovery.

Most relapse prevention programs would not take this approach at all and simply concentrate on overcoming those “trigger situations.”  But a more comprehensive strategy can be formed if we pursue holistic growth and focus on building self esteem.

Action plan: The example above that targets our physical health and well being is just the tip of the iceberg.  There are other areas in which we can pursue holistic growth including our relationships, emotional balance, spirituality, and so on.  Limiting ourselves to one area is not recommended.  Attempting to grow in all areas of our life is the key.

Passion and purpose

Why do you get up in the morning?  It used to be so that you could go chase your fix for the day and go get one more drink or drug in you; thus starting the cycle all over again.  Self-medicating became our passion in life, being drunk or high became our only real purpose.

Of course this changes in recovery, because we made the decision to get clean and sober and that purpose that we used to have has been stripped out of our lives.  Many people do mourn the emotional loss of our good “friend” alcohol or drugs, but it is time to move on and find a new reason to live.

Now it would be wonderful if we could get clean and sober one day and then wake up the following day to discover our new reason for existence, but it doesn’t usually work like that.  At least it did not work like that for me.  It took some time.  It took time for me to find my passion and purpose in life.

Now this doesn’t mean that I was completely miserable in the beginning, because I wasn’t.  I just hadn’t found my purpose yet.  I was newly sober, fresh out of the gates of sobriety, and I was still a bit depressed and foggy for a while.  The first few months were like this.

I think many in early recovery could benefit from either sponsorship or recovery coaching, because these people can put you back on track as far as taking meaningful action that guides you towards your passion and purpose in life.  For example, someone pushed me in early recovery to go back to school and finish my college degree.  I’m not sure I would have done this on my own without some guidance.

So how do we find our purpose in recovery?  We don’t.  Or rather, don’t bother to “force it” and make it happen overnight, because if you do then whatever you find is probably a false idol.  Seek it out but enjoy the process and let yourself re-discover life.  The best advice is to follow the 3 core strategies of:

1) Caring for self

2) Networking with others

3) Holistic growth

If you are using these ideas in your everyday life then your purpose will arise naturally over time. If you follow these strategies then your self esteem will start building back up and you’ll feel good about life again.  If you’re pushing yourself to grow and you also network with others then you will indeed be living your life with passion and excitement and you’ll have something to look forward to when you wake up in the morning.

Action plan: Follow the 3 strategies and focus on building healthy self esteem.  Allow yourself time to heal in early recovery; it can take several months to start feeling “normal” again.  Your purpose in life will eventually unfold before you if you put in the action.

Service work

One of the biggest insurance policies you can have against relapse is if you are helping other recovering addicts and alcoholics on a regular basis. If you are actively working with others in recovery then it will be extremely difficult for you to slide into a relapse yourself.  The reason for this is that we have to help ourselves in order to help others.  In other words, if we are genuinely helping others in recovery, then we can only do so from a place of strong recovery ourselves.  Helping others boosts our own recovery.

You might find several different ways to do this.  The quickest method is to get involved in the 12 step program.  There you can network with others, chair meetings, or sponsor newcomers.  But there are other ways to reach out and help addicts and alcoholics as well, such as therapy, counseling, working in a treatment facility, and so on.

Most people underestimate the power of service work. If you can reach out and help other addicts consistently, your sobriety is practically guaranteed.

Action plan: Find a way to help others in recovery.

Overwhelming force

Anyone who has relapsed can look back and realize that they had not put in a full, 100 percent effort at staying clean and sober.  Therefore, the concept of using overwhelming force can be very valuable to your sobriety.

The idea behind overwhelming force is to go far above and beyond what you think it will take in order to stay clean and sober.  If your plan was to go to a meeting every day, then go to 2 meetings every day.  If your plan was to do 3 months of intensive outpatient therapy, consider doing 6 months of inpatient therapy.  If someone suggests long term treatment, commit to living there for as long as possible.  That’s the idea of using overwhelming force.

This strategy works great for recovery because nearly everyone underestimates the amount of dedication needed to overcome their addiction. Many people will relapse several times before they finally “get it,” because they are constantly underestimating what it will take to stay clean and sober.  This is almost a universal problem and we can see it happen with nearly everyone when they first try to get clean and sober.

Action plan: Use overwhelming force in your recovery plan.  Think big.  Long term treatment might sound extreme but it works.  If you really want sobriety then be willing to go all out.

Gratitude

Gratitude is the ultimate mindset for relapse prevention.  If you are truly grateful then you will not use drugs or alcohol.  This is because you are so appreciative for life itself that you have no need to want anything more.  Gratitude is a contented mindset; therefore you will not seek to self medicate or to change how you feel.

Gratitude is spiritual in nature.  It is a connection with your higher power; a prayer of thanks for existence itself.  Gratitude does not depend on things or on circumstances in your life.  You can choose gratitude or cultivate it at any time.  Therefore you can also practice it on a regular basis.

Action plan: Practice gratitude.  You can do this by making out a gratitude list, or simply by saying prayers of thanks to your higher power.  You can also cultivate gratitude through doing service work, because you’ll get a glimpse back into your past by working with newcomers.

So that’s it.  Focus on the 3 strategies and build self esteem through healthy living.  Find a way to help others in recovery and practice gratitude.