What can you do if you are living with an alcohol or addict who refuses to get addiction help? Let’s take a look at some of the possible options.
* First of all you might consider not changing anything and simply hoping for the best. Most people do this by default. Many people who are attached to a spouse or a loved one will do anything in order to hang in there and see the relationship through. This can be a bad thing at times, but we will get to that later. For the most part, if they are truly addicted or alcoholic, then doing nothing is not a good plan.
* Second would be leaving altogether. This is another drastic option that can and does happen in some relationships. Now in some cases, leaving may not be an option. Perhaps you are raising a child who is not yet an adult, so you cannot just abandon them because of their drug problem. Or maybe it is a parent or sibling who really needs your support. Whatever. Leaving may not always be an option.
Now if it is a spouse or a significant other, then leaving is almost always an option. But for many people it is just too drastic of a change, and they may have too much invested in the relationship to just walk away.
* Third would be employing new strategies for convincing them to get help. The topic here assumes that they are refusing to get any sort of treatment, so that really limits your options as far as urging them to get professional help. Ideally, that is what they need, and that is the best outcome, but they are refusing it. One thing you might try as a last ditch effort is a formal intervention, but I would not pin my hopes on that as being a driving force. Any intervention that actually works is more likely a result of timing and coincidence than it is anything else.
* Fourth, you might make an ultimatum. Essentially that is what they have done to you by refusing to get help for addiction. They have basically laid it out on the table and said: “I am not going to stop using my drug of choice. Deal with it.” They have played hardball with you, so you might (if you are desperate enough to risk the whole relationship) turn around and do the same thing to them. Lay it out on the table and say “Either you get professional help, or I am gone.”
Understand that you are not laying it out and saying “Quit using drugs and alcohol forever or I am gone.” That is a bit too aggressive, even though that is ultimately what we all want to see happen. No, that will not work for an ultimatum, in my opinion. The better choice is to simply demand treatment, on your terms. That is important because if you leave it up to the addict or alcoholic, they may simply opt for counseling or something that is very low-impact and non committal. We want results, not just putting up a good show.
* You may be tempted to resort to manipulation, such as threatening to tell their boss about their addiction, or calling the police on them when they are doing something illegal, and so on. These tactics may work in very rare cases, but I am against them. My opinion is that they create more resentment than what they are worth, for the most part, and are probably not worth the effort. I would stick to supportive approaches that encourage treatment, rather than seek to hurt, damage, or manipulate someone.
